"Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas."
-Paula Poundstone
I read this quote a few years back; it resonated with me so deeply that I saved it to my phone's notes (the secret compartment of my brain's reminders).
To some this piece will be comical -- to others it will be a realization. To those that it is a realization, I am sorry.
When I was roughly 14 I first had this thought, but it never bothered me all that much. I revisited this thought when I was 16 and again at 18 and again at 21 and again at 22 and again at 25 when it fully ruined some aspects of my life. The thought it's very simple -- it is that there are no adults. Now what does this mean?
When we're growing up we have this safety blanket called Mom and Dad, the first adults that we meet. They know absolutely everything. How much we should eat, what we should stay away from, the answers to our homework - the answers to the universe. We literally trust them with our lives. We look up to them for their almighty intelligence. They have this secret ability to know anything and everything, and some day we will too! We also give this same respect to other adults. We trust that our teachers are masters of what they're teaching; they can never be wrong. At some point in your life you will have this terrifying realization. There is no magic switch that flips when we just all of a sudden have all of the answers to the universe. Quite the opposite. We're all full of shit. Adulthood is a social construct.
So what is an adult? According to dictionary.com it is, "a person who is fully grown or developed". So our definition, which is something like, "mature, knows all of the answers to the universe, stable" is completely made up by society. The societal definition of 'adult' is more like the definition of 'wise', which is "having or showing experience, knowledge, and good judgment". We believe at a certain age you become wise. Overnight really.
Being an adult is when you (no order to this) quit with the immaturity, pay bills, are gainfully employed, are financially stable, buy a house, get married, have children (God willing), etc. These are some of the things we watched our parents and other adults do. As we age a little we realize we someday want a similar life, so that moment will just happen, right? I've got a sad reality for you, don't hold your breath! Post graduation (or whatever you decide to do) you are not handed a guidebook. You're on your own to figure this life out.
We idolize people - our parents, family, teachers, other adults, celebrities and so on. We think in our minds how they have this 'adult' secret. They look so happy. Then there's this weird shift even after our realization of the adult fallacy. We see someone not that much older than us have a kid or get married. We then start to think .. there is no way they have their shit together, but how are they being an 'adult'? Then the age gap closes more until it happens to one our friends. We then have to listen to them complain about finances, missing their youth and honestly, just winging it. But how can they be an 'adult' without having their aha! moment? Social media is part of the problem - everyone looks so perfect!
When you become an 'adult' (I'm half way there -- I think *ba dum tisk*) you realize how much you still don't know about the world, but maybe that's also what becoming an adult is. It is an elusive game we play with ourselves, which in many cases leads to anxiety and depression. We think we should be at a certain place in our lives by a certain time, no matter the circumstances. As a child you think at said age everything just makes sense.
We're always chasing this dream, which may not even be our own. We want the world to perceive us as an adult. We want to own businesses, house(s), degrees, and travel all at the same time. The most common scenario nowadays of teetering the adult fallacy goes like this : an adult would go to college. Post college they would become gainfully employed. Well, every place wants 3-5 years experience. Therefore, we jump into a place that pays decent, even if it's not in our field. Now we are not in our long term, stable career, but we are working like an adult would. If we're unmarried we are failing adulthood, but we are being independent like an adult. Likely due to being single we don't own a house, so we're failing the home ownership aspect, but it's adult-like to be financial responsible. We're so quick to judge ourselves, let alone others. Social constructs unfortunately run our lives.
In order to truly be free we must realize the social construct of adulthood, or as I have referred to it, the adult fallacy. Every single person living has something that isn't perfect in their lives. They do not know the answers to everything (yes, even you Neil deGrasse Tyson - btw, why is the 'D' not capitalized?). Even when it seems like you may be living life wrong, you are most likely doing it right because after all, it's your destiny. So no, don't listen to the adults, they're just as full of shit as I am. (:
Commenti